Office Politics

Nobody likes office politics.  It usually involves whispering, dishonesty, and gossip.  There can be a humorous side though - even if you have to search for it.

Our office has a coffee machine and being the resourceful people that we are, a large stash of coffee mugs to go with it.  Similar to general seating at church, no coffee mugs are reserved to any one person, yet everyone has "their" coffee mug.  An unspoken system has developed therefore for coffee mug distribution.

Now I am not a coffee drinker and therefore fall very low on the coffee mug selection list.  When I want the occasional hot chocolate I have to choose from the leftover mugs - the rejects.  These are usually white and pink mugs with kittens on them.  I was fortunate however to discover a reject mug that I fell in love with - it's brown and squarish, but of a good size and simple.  It says Klein Tools on it.  As a former electrician, this was perfect.

Luckily for me, this mug had never been claimed by a coffee drinker and was always available for my occasional hot chocolate.  Until the newbie arrived...

There is nothing wrong with a newbie.  In fact, we could use some more of them with the workload we've got.  The newbie isn't even a coffee drinker so I was not concerned about any mug situation.  That is, until I saw his new pencil holder that he had chosen for his desk- none other than my brown Klein Tools reject coffee mug.

Needless to say, I was devastated.  How am I to explain to this nice newbie that he has taken my reject mug?  That unbeknownst to him, he has left me to sip from valentines day kitten porcelain?  Should I just take the mug and replace it with another one and hope he doesn't notice?  No, that would be awkward when he notices me drinking hot chocolate from it later in the day.  Should I approach him and try to explain myself?  No, then it might turn into real office politics and not just the humorous kind.  The only solution then is to find another reject mug and accept that my Klein Tools mug has left the mug distribution system.  It probably has a better life now that it is being loved and used every day and not just on the days of my hot chocolate whims.

Click n Clack

It all started several weeks ago with an ominous noise coming from the direction of my engine.  It started suddenly, but quietly.  I struggled for days to identify the noise in a way I could recreate it.  Imagine me humming, whirring, clapping, and clunking, but nothing seemed right.  Finally it came to me.  RRRRRRR.  Did you ever learn to roll your r’s in Spanish class?  Well that’s the noise.

Once I had successfully defined the noise I followed a friend’s advice to call the NPR Click ‘n Clack show to see if I could stump them.  I had to use my trusty assistant Emily however to make the car noise since I never learned the art of flapping my tongue in a dignified manner.  Despite what I’m sure was an entertaining voicemail audition, I unfortunately, although not surprisingly, did not get called back to be on the show.

Alas, I was left with taking it to a transmission shop.  After extensive, official, Google research, I settled on a little known shop in Monroe run by a man who has been building transmissions since before I was born.  After a free consult with the specialist, I was dutifully impressed and was willing to follow whatever advice he might lay before me.  I had spent weeks preparing myself for the worst – a potential blown transmission and upwards of $3000 in repairs.  What I was not prepared for however was the comment by the receptionist that she had priced a Mini Cooper automatic transmission a few weeks ago at over $6000.

At this point I couldn’t decide if I wanted to cry or drink.  Since I’m not an alcoholic and I didn’t have a ready supply of tissues, I realized I needed another option.  Red Robin cheeseburger with a chocolate shake would have to do.

The next morning, after thinking about the potential cost of a new transmission and if I needed to get in touch with an insurance agent about having my car totaled, I finally received a call from the receptionist at the transmission shop with the final numbers.  

Here’s how she broke it down:

$850 – Labor

$2,034 – New transmission

$84 – Transmission fluid

$284 – Clutch

Total: $3,252 + tax = $3,531.

All I have to say is that I have never been so happy to see a bill for $3500.

Jump Grasshopper Jump!

Like a grasshopper rubbing it's hands together (or is that a praying mantis?) I have been contemplating starting a blog for some time.  I have finally decided to jump in.

Grasshopper clippings are meant to be humorous.  Most will be relatively short stories, and like a grasshopper, will jump from one topic to another without a smidgen of transition.

They are meant to be clippings from my life with a humorous spin. This is for two reasons.  First, I need to practice writing.  If you couldn't tell already, I'm not very good at it.  Second, I think finding the humor in situations can lead to a much less stressful life, and doesn't everyone want a little less stress?

I cannot guarantee that these clippings will be funny to anyone besides myself.  I also cannot guarantee that they will be entirely truthful although I can assure you that they will all have a basis in truth since that's where the best stories come from. They will also be much better if you read them with an accent.  A Maine accent if you can.